It’s hard to believe that August is here and summer is almost over. The year has flown by fast. It doesn’t seem like that long ago that I uprooted my life, left downtown, and moved back to the southside to be closer to my family. It also doesn’t seem like that long ago that my therapist and I both agreed that permanent disability would be the best option for me.
This year has had a lot of ups and downs. But there was also a lot of growth, and a lot of BIG changes. Changes that are still happening and making my life better.
I went from not playing at all for seven years, not being involved with men – to now, I’m in a serious D/s dynamic with a wonderful man who I also consider to be a good friend. He is important to me. And says I’m important to him. I’ve never been needed in this way before and it makes me feel… loved. Safe. Even if he hasn’t said the words yet. He makes me feel safe.
I also have a friend that I’m allowed to see and get together with in person and challenges me to experience things that once scarred me. And because of him, I’m meeting new friends weekly and am being more social than I have been in years thanks to the Park group he runs.
I’ve adjusted to life on the southside of the city, despite not doing what I said I would since moving here. There are parks and trails I need to explore, but my joints don’t always cooperate with me. Now that the weather is cooler and the days are shorter, I’m making more of an effort to get out on the weekends. It’s one of the big reasons I joined the parks group. To get out, meet people, but also get some fresh air and do some walking.
Yesterday, I even stayed a couple of hours after the munch ended and made some new friends. That’s out of my comfort zone and yet, I felt comfortable enough in the group to do so. So THANK YOU, for providing us a safe space to meet new people. I feel so welcome.
I’ll be going to my first party in 12 years in a couple of weeks. I’m nervous and excited. No idea what I’m going to wear. I still need to buy new clothes but I’m also holding off for a bit.
Overall, I’ve never been happier. Sure, I still have my daily struggles with anxiety and past relationship issues. There’s trauma I’m still dealing with. Stories untold. Experiences I’m not sure I want to revisit. Why? It’s in the past. But every now and then something triggers me and a bad experience pops up. For no reason – just that it makes me realize I still have some healing to do.
And now it’s almost fall. My favorite time of year. I love the cooler days. The crisp morning air. Watching the leaves on the trees turn gorgeous colors. The days are still warm. But the nights are cool enough to sleep comfortably.
It’s time to bring out the fuzzy sweaters and blankets. The warm pajama pants. In a few weeks, it’ll be time to use the fireplace at night. But most of all. I love being able to turn the oven back on and get into vegetable roasting. Making hearty soups, stews, casseroles and healthy baking too.
As the rest of the world turns to chaos with kids returning to school and people returning to work after a long summer break, for me – it’s a time of reflection on where things are in my life. A time for making new goals. A time for just being able to breathe.
I love autumn. It’s my favorite time of year. And… there’s so many great comfort movies to watch too. Like this one. It’s a personal favorite when I need a good cry. The soundtrack is great too. And being the spiritual Witchy like person I am…. I just adore it.
As fall draws near, I’ll start posting recipes again. It is my favorite time of year and I love being back in the kitchen. Summer is much too hot and humid to do any baking or cooking. Come end of the month, I really hope to get back into it.
I also plan on going to the pool once a week starting in September. That said, I think I’m letting go of my premium plan. We’ll see what happens.