It’s been a few weeks since my last entry and wow things have changed a bit. And in some ways, not so much. I went from blogging almost daily last year during the pandemic to now, I maybe get one or two posts in a month. I think it’s better this way. Just give shorter updates, post about topics that speak to me. I’m gaining more followers this way by NOT posting. Though I do miss the engagement and interactions here.
Hmm. I saw my doctor last week to discuss getting updated medical for my disability benefits which is required annually. Hopefully, he can get that submitted this week. Then they’ll get off my back for a while. Money is tight being on disability and 69% of my usual pay. So, I’ve had to make adjustments. But not having to travel to work is a bonus, and I’m taking about the same amount of pay with that alone. The cost of food right now is making it hard to have any money leftover for shopping, clothes, etc.
One thing I’m doing this week is paying off my loan finally which has about $6,000 left on it. I’m using my line of credit for that. That way, I only have the one low interest bill to pay off monthly. It doesn’t make a huge difference, but I will have a little more cash at the end of the month to play with.
I need to find me a sugar daddy, but I honestly think they’re a myth. Which brings me to my next thought about this blog – I’ll be letting go of my premium plan next year and downgrading to personal. It makes sense. I also let go of my Canva premium plan as I’m taking a long break from music again.
Writing has stalled. I write daily journal entries over on Fetlife for friends only to see. Thoughts and photos I wouldn’t share here for the general public. You never know who’s reading your stuff. So, that gives me something to do.
My relationship with the guy in Minnesota is going strong. We’re working through some issues and making the best of our situation. We both admitted that travel isn’t possible right now. But we both need the connection and intimacy. We still talk daily, and end the days saying goodnight to each other. He’s become a part of my daily routine and I’d hate to lose that. I care for him very much. Hard to believe it’s been almost two months since we started chatting daily.
And even with as protective as he is, we had a long chat about me seeing other people too. I’m not interested in dating or a romantic connection. I have needs that I won’t disclose here. But ENM and kinky people will get it. And so, discussions and negotiations have taken place. He’s chatting with some of my new friends to get a feel for them and we’ll go from there.
It sounds controlling – I suppose it would to a vanilla person. But it’s something I’ve needed in my life for a long time. Even though I have a strong personality and a bit of an alpha in my daily life, there’s this need to be with a firm man who can reel me back in from anxiety spirals and manic thought loops. And he has become a sounding board. He helps give me that peace my brain so desperately needs from time to time. That’s what kink is for me.
Again, I won’t go into specifics. You don’t need to hear it. And this is not a kink based blog. But this is very much a part of who I am, and have hidden for years. I guess I’m just tired of hiding my true self.
And fuck it. If people can’t handle this part of my life, then that’s their loss I guess. I know who I can and can’t talk to about things. I guess it’s why I finally attended my first community event on Sunday.
An old acquaintance has been trying to get me out to a munch for weeks. I bailed out on a coffee date with him last minute and people were upset. But anxiety is like that sometimes. I almost bailed out of the munch on Sunday. He was the first person I recognized and he came up to me right away and gave me a hug. I felt like puking mostly for the first half hour. Then finally started to relax.
Another old acquaintance from the “old days” remembered me and I sat next to him for the rest of the afternoon. It didn’t help that it was sweltering hot, I was sweating and hadn’t eaten all day. Oof. The migraine that followed sucked hardcore.
The weather has cooled off dramatically and we’re expecting more rain. Again. Stupid rain.
So, that’s life in a nutshell. I’m starting to be more social and catching up with friends again. This group is a private one, and they have “munches” outside every weekend. I’m hoping to go again this Sunday. This time, I’ll dress more weather appropriately and maybe I’ll get my haircut again.
The other thing is “fixing” up my body in ways that women do when they date and get into romantic relationships. Man, there’s a lot of work that I’ve neglected over the years. Like shaving legs. Do I shave daily, or wax? I mean there are so many options. Eyebrows. Haircuts. Skincare regimes. All this to look good for outings lol…
Because I went from being in a primary relationship online, to now seeing other men in person. How did that even happen??? Life is weird sometimes. The ethical non-monogamy lifestyle is interesting too.
And I’m shopping for pretty clothes too and sundresses now that summer is finally here.
And that’s about it!
How’s your month going?