But where has the rum gone?

This week has gone by fast and I figured I would post a more cheerful post than my last one. It’s been an up and down moody kind of week. But today, the weather is a little more stable. The sun is shining and the birds are singing. I’ll be going out in a bit to enjoy the sun before the rain hits again this weekend – and all next week. As my guy says, no beuno. I love the rain, but this is a little much.

Energy is a little better today. Yesterday, was a low energy day and I was having a hard time with life in general. Today, I woke up feeling a little better. A little smaller too. I’ve noticed that my thighs and stomach aren’t as big as they were last week. I can walk a little easier today and I have more stamina. That said, the scales still have not budged and this is highly frustrating. Frustrating as hell actually.

Yeah yeah. Muscle and all that jazz.

Muscle does not weigh more than fat. It is denser than fat, which means it takes up more room and your legs could actually look bigger before they get smaller. The lard indeed works in mysterious ways. Target toning is impossible. But targeting specific body parts with specific exercises helps. That’s my goal right now.

Overall fat loss and building strength and muscle. Especially in the knees and arms.

It’s hard to exercise daily with the pain, but I’m trying to accommodate for this with low impact exercises. I’ve started doing crawling planks with the exercise ball and wow. It’s an impressive workout. I also use the ball for working on my thighs and hind to get those areas smaller too. Or more toned. As for the cellulite in my ass, that’s another problem.

This is why I don’t share nudes online even on adult websites. No one wants to see my butt right now. It’s why I’ve stayed single so long. But I’m getting there. Albeit and painfully slowly.

Even though progress is minor, it’s still progress and I’m celebrating it today. Not with food. I’ve learned that mistake. But just by having a good day.

My diet has improved and I’ve upped my protein up to 100g of protein daily. It’s hard to do with the price of meat these days. Yesterday, I cooked up some basa fillets and a vegetable stew in the crockpot with a couple of fillets too. It was okay. Though I think grilled fish is the way to go. I’m eating more vegetables, drinking my daily water (3-4 litres) which also means peeing every hour on the hour for now.

But hey. Today was a good day. It’s important to celebrate the successes.

I hope to see my dad tomorrow evening for dinner. The Oilers are out of the playoffs so the excitement of family group chats has died down a bit. So has the drinking. I’m almost out of rum and that’s just, no good either.

In terms of the relationship .. it’s still ongoing but in negotiation phase. I don’t like spilling a lot of details publicly. There are prying eyes who want to know WHO he is for one. And other people involved in the mix. That’s the problem with poly relationships. Or in our case, ethical non-monogamy. I’ll write about that later. A few of my close friends know who he is and they chat with him often. Sometimes plotting against me, which is just all kinds of evil.

I never saw myself as the marrying kind. I still don’t. Kids aren’t possible, and that’s a big part of why people often get married. I don’t think for me, one person can fulfill all my needs. And this is why poly kind of works – with the right people. Open relationships are a bit tricky. I’m one who goes for longer-term partners that I can build a relationship with. Not necessarily sharing a life together. But sharing certain aspects of our life together.

We talk daily. And that’s something I’ve never had. Whether it’s a morning text and short conversation. Chatting throughout the day via texting. Or ending the night with an audio call – it’s always something.

We use apps to check in on daily habits and he’s helping keep me accountable in some ways. This is something I’ve missed about relationships. That accountability. But accountability is a two way street. And he needs to realize he has responsibilities too.

So, that’s about it for now.

The relationship is still new, and very online right now. Will it ever evolve to real life meetings and travel? I don’t know. But… I’m open to the possibility of it. Even though it’s not likely right now. To quote him. Who knows what could happen down the road.

As for this blog….

I’m torn on what to do. My focus has been on learning about poly relationships, alt lifestyles and getting back into my local community. I’m meeting new local friends online and hope to gradually work my way back into the scene at some point. But to a lesser degree than my time before.

I’ve made some great connections, and I’m looking to explore other options for local partners too.

And hey. It’s cool if you are a long time reader of this blog and not okay with my lifestyle choices. I’ve hidden this part of me for so long that… I no longer feel like I’m at war with myself. I finally said fuck it to the world, and am being me. Regardless of what others think.

And on that note.

I need to eat some lunch and go brat for a while. Because that is always fun.

Also… did you know they have remote toys now? I mean…. technology sure has changed since my time in the alt scene!

I’m still mostly single…. with a kinky twist.


(also I’m probably changing my name to Charmeine here. Don’t be surprised at that.)

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