Falling Slowly

It’s already May 10th and I’m not even sure where to start with what’s been going on this month. There’s been a lot. The past two weeks have flown right by. April ended on a lousy note with a week long migraine and sinus infection which is nothing new. The insomnia got pretty bad too. I was down in the dumps over a certain bully that I let get to me. And then things seemed to turn around.

And wow…..oh man.

I just realized I haven’t checked in with my IRL friends and I need to do that soon. I haven’t forgotten you. I’ve just been pleasantly distracted.

I don’t want to give a lot of details yet. Things are still new. It’s too early. I don’t want to jinx anything by spilling the details yet. That’s happened before. I’m trying to slow my roll which is difficult when you wear your heart on a sleeve. But I need to protect my heart a little and learn from past mistakes.

Sometimes it’s hard to do that. It’s easy to get caught up in the minutia of getting to know someone new. Especially when you seem to match on so many levels. Even if it’s online. Even if there’s a distance there and it makes the relationship challenging. Even if you’re not sure it’s a relationship yet. Even if they’re just a few provinces away and a pesky border in between.

The chatting. The flirting. The talking all night until four or five in the morning – I haven’t done that since my teenage years. Not since I would spend all night on my phone, locked in my room chatting with random guys from the local party line. Because that’s how we met people before the internet. At least, that’s how I met people.

I’ve made a whole new group of friends that I chat daily with. From all over the world. We send comments back and forth. Have private chats in DM’s. I even started a small Discord group with a few of them and they are quickly becoming some of my favorite people. Even though we haven’t met. Isn’t that strange? I hope one day the gods will align things so we can all be in the same room together.

I think after spending two years in isolation because of COVID, people learned to rely on technology to keep in touch with family and friends. I was a homebody before the pandemic and I’m still a homebody now. I have a few close friends, and by that, I mean about three – that I socialize with. We go for lunch or dinner dates. Shopping. Or just hang out in our homes. I like it. I dig it. That’s my jam.

We’ve found ways to keep things interesting. Audio recordings. Pictures back and forth of our day. Little things. Checking in every morning. Chatting throughout the day. You get the drift.

My evenings have been filled with fun, flirting, laughter. Joking back and forth. Teasing. Getting to know each other. And it’s been so much fun.

Some of it’s just harmless flirting. With people from the UK, Australia, and even New Zealand. I’ve made a nice group of friends from Wisconsin, North Dakota and Minnesota. So, seeing them in person one day is not out of the realm of possibilities. One friend is way out in China – time differences definitely create a challenge.

But ummm. It’s been a good month so far. I may have to travel out east soon for a visit.

In medical news. That part has actually been exhausting. There have been many consultations that have been mostly useless. I’m getting the same run around.

“You’re too young for knee replacements.”

“There’s nothing we can do for you. Lose weight.”

“It’s genetics. Here’s some pain meds. Have you thought about losing weight?”

But I still go, because I have to.

Recent scans of my knees have shown that the right knee is ridden with osteoarthritis and I can feel it getting worse over time. That means at least another few years before I can have surgery. I’m doing what I can with fitness and exercises. Trying to eat healthy. This month has been better for that. But lack of sleep doesn’t help for weight loss.

I’m still waiting for results from my bone density scan. And I still have to get my hands x-rayed. I should do that this week. Just been putting it off.

I’m just… tired of doctors. Tired of the same old song and dance. Tired of them telling me there’s nothing they can do. I’d like to just get to a point where I can do the things I want to do. Enjoy life for a while. See how things go over the next few months.

So… that’s where we are. It’s been cold the last couple of days with threats of snow. This year – the weather has not been ideal for much. But here’s hoping things will get better in that aspect. I’d like to get back into walking and to the pool at some point.

On that note. I’ll end this rambling and leave you with this song. I’m listening to music almost non-stop these days. Just enjoying the ride, wherever it may take me.

Also…. I love it when they check in to let them know they’re having a bad day at work. And asking how I can make it better. It’s these little things I’ve missed.

And the crazy thing is. He makes me feel needed. Wanted. Important even. He’s not afraid to say it. And that’s new for me. And a little terrifying too.

But I have learned from past relationships. Taking my time. Giving a little more each day.

And falling slowly.

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