Setting boundaries on toxic relationships apparently makes you an asshole

So, tonight I made the mistake of sharing a picture in the family group chat. I’ve been having a bad flare up this week thanks to the unstable weather and my fingers and ribs have been really sore. I took a photo of my fingers to show people what it looks like. Not for pity, but more just to help others understand what this disease is.

“Oh, that looks an allergy, Wendy!” the one sister who has the same disease says, but she doesn’t have hypermobility. “I don’t understand how you can have so many problems, I’ve lived 52 years with this and it doesn’t impact my life!”

When I told them I was having a bad flare up and my ribs keep shifting – it’s a thing. It’s called subluxation and happens because my body doesn’t produce collagen properly. They know this. They have the literature. I have explained it a million times.

“It’s arthritis from the hypermobility. Just a bad flareup.”

I sent them a couple of links to read to educate themselves.

“I don’t understand how your ribs can pop out. They’re attached to you.” Says the one sister. She goes on to say that she understands about my knees and fingers, but my ribs? Basically calling me a liar.

So, I send them a link for that too. I say, “I’m tired. The link has all the info. Good night.”

“Well thanks for making me feel like an asshole for asking a question,” the one sister says. Then she goes on to say, “These doctors aren’t helping you with their diagnoses, they’re just making it worse in your head.”

Basically, saying that it’s all in my fucking head. Even though, four out of five siblings have the same condition. I’m the only one who has hypermobile joints. A degenerative disease. One that my geneticist has told me there is no cure for. And no treatments for.

One that has caused severe injuries like bone spurring, arthritis, bone degeneration and OS acromiale – a sports injury. I don’t fucking play sports.

“We’re just trying to figure out why you’re having so many problems. I’m 52 and this has never been an issue. My ribs don’t pop out.”

And this is where the patient and polite Wendy stops being a push over and starts setting some goddamn boundaries – because I’m sick of being bullied by a family of what I know are high functioning alcoholics.

They’re bullies. Always have been. Always will be.

“None of you have hypermobility or arthritis. I’ve told you this all before. You have the literature. I’ve explained it to you over and over again. You’re all going to just have to accept this is a permanent disability now that causes serious bone loss and degeneration. The xrays have shown that much. It’s not going to get better weight loss. I’m getting the right treatment. There is no cure. It’s part of my life now. And so, I’m going to bed. Even typing this hurts more than you can know.”

It does – even holding the phone hurts my hands and that’s why I hardly text people anymore. I can type on a keyboard more easily than on a phone.

And of course, not one person responded.

Easter is coming up in two weeks and I’m just going to say fuck it. Have a small dinner with a couple of friends. If the weather is better, maybe I can get out for walks again.

I’m just tired of this constant bullshit. People who aren’t chronically ill don’t get it. But I will not be disrespected like this. I have my limits too.

I just love it when I try and set boundaries – yeah. That makes me a total asshole. Right. I get it now. Okay. Cool.

Bye Felicia.

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Good for you for calling bullshit on their, well, bullshit.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. wendymusings says:

    Thanks. I realize they are nothing but bullies and you cant change that.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. RosalynLynn says:

    Good for you for standing up for yourself.💞

    Liked by 1 person

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