Saturday morning coffee thoughts: a new hope


It’s Saturday morning and the sun is shining. I’ve been awake since 5:30 am which seems to be the norm these days. A few weeks ago, I was proud of myself for getting up before 8 am every morning. Now, it seems I can’t sleep past 6.

The days are getting longer and it’s bright when I wake up, so that’s something. It makes a difference when the sun is out too. I have more energy these days and a clear head. The migraines have been managable.

After my failed appointment with a new neurologist, I decided to take his advice. I upped my daily water intake to 3 litres, which is hard for me to do. It means constantly sipping on water. I keep a bottle of chilled water on hand at all times.

I started a new vitamin regime and take my required vitamin D3, and have added a calcium-magnesium supplement. I think it’s helping. My mood is better, even if my emotions are all over the map with my dad who is coming to his final days.

This week for the first time in a long time, I saw light at the end of a dark tunnel. That happens sometimes when you live with a disability. My new geneticist is working hard to get me the treatment I need for the chronic pain and joint dislocations. It may mean surgery in the future for my knee. But I now have a new rheumatologist and we’ll work on pain management.

Now… it’s more about improving quality of life. So, I can live as normal a life as possible for whatever time I have left with this disease.

Who knew that the disease I was born with, and had lived with for forty-five years, was the culprit behind most of my ailments. At least, there are options now. There’s a plan of action and I’m feeling optimistic about it.

Spring is just around the corner and it helps. It’s still too cold at night to sit out for very long but I managed to enjoy some fresh air.

I’m writing daily, starting off my mornings with a cup of coffee, a healthy breakfast, and getting lost in my book. I’m falling in love with the main character and it’s made me realize how much I’ve missed having a partner in crime.

And so… with extreme caution, I’m thinking of dating again. It’s been a long time. My relationship with Greg was a toxic one and it caused a lot of damage. The weight gain caused a loss of confidence. But now, that I’m working on boosting my immune system and fixing the vitamin deficiencies, I have hope. My hair feels thicker, and healthier. My skin is clear and almost glowing. Even the dark circles under my eyes are fading.

There’s still a long way to go for recovery. If I can get to a point of leading a somewhat normal life. I’m okay with never working again. I have things I can do to pass the time. Mostly, it’s having the freedom of carrying out my own schedule and doing things in my own time that I need.

People are reaching out to me on social media. Friends I met online during the isolation of the pandemic. They have become my lifeline. They’re messaging me with names of single friends. So maybe…dating won’t be as bad as I’ve made it out to be.

Seven years of being single. Can I do it? Can I make the change and room for someone new in my life? When you’re as independent as I am, almost to a fault, the task seems nearly impossible.

And so… these are thoughts that are running through my mind on this spring like Saturday morning. I need some more coffee. And maybe a shower. This place is a dump and I need to clean the bathrooms.

But for the first time in a long time, I have hope that maybe, there is someone out there that can compliment me and be there in the way I need them to be. That means giving me space and time when I need it. Letting me lead my own life, while making time for them. Someone to just be a friend. A companion. A partner in crime. And perhaps in time, a passionate lover, who is not afraid to explore the things I enjoy.

How’s that for a teaser??

Happy Saturday, my dear friends.

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