The year is coming to a fast end

It’s a little after noon as I sit down with my first cup of coffee and contemplate what to do for my day. The sky is cloudy and there is a slight wind. It’s supposed to snow again later today, so I need to get outside and finish hanging my Christmas lights. I wasn’t planning on doing that, but my sister bought me some and I feel obligated to.

It’s hard to believe that it’s December already and the year 2021 is almost over. That means 2022, will be the fourth year of running this blog. I have a lot of mixed feelings about that. This blog has been through a lot of changes and in a way, it changed me.

This blog started off as a safe space for me to vent about work and health issues. But I got tired of writing under a fake name so I took down some of those posts and switched to fitness motivation and the living well series. Well, three years later, and my health hasn’t changed. If anything, my body is slowly crapping out on me. I’ve come to realize how precious life can be.

I started writing and sharing details about my spirituality but people stopped reading and I started losing followers. I went back to sharing healthy recipes, articles about home living and again… slowly, but surely, readership stopped all together.

I wonder if TikTok has anything to do with it. I find myself on that app more than reading on the computer. I’m trying to get better at reading blogs and leaving comments. It’s helped a bit.

But I decided a few weeks ago, that maybe it was time to let this blog go. Yes, I have 1,000 readers but only the same handful of you actually take time to engage.

There’s one blogger, Sebastian, you know who you are, who likes every post I post. I know he doesn’t read them, because the like comes in when I’m still reading and checking for errors. I’m a fast reader. There’s no way he reads 1200 words in less than a minute. And it’s things like that, that really annoy me about WordPress. Why do that? Why not just take the time to read something you want to read rather than just giving a like? To me, the comment exchange is worth way more than a like.

Since opening up a music blog, I’ve found passion in writing again. This time, it’s to a smaller audience but I hope that changes. But the more I write about music and my personal experiences in the industry, the more I feel passionate about and that it’s really the right timing for me.

I’m at the piano every single day. Did I tell you I bought a new one? I’m totally broke now. And am raising funds to help upgrade my studio again. I’ve also started a Patreon account. I did my first live stream last night as a test and I have quite a few dedicated followers on YouTube.

My tiny channel grew to over 300 subs this week and my goal is to get to at least 500 by the end of the year. I’m putting out videos every few days and improving my editing skills. Christmas is great that way. I’m inspired. And feeling good about that. So this blog, I won’t be writing as much anymore. Maybe once or twice a month. Or when I need to vent.

Christmas is here in just a few weeks and it makes me miss my mum terribly. I’m missing my dad more and more too. Even though he’s still alive, we’ve lost him to dementia and hallucinations. He’s not dad anymore. Instead, he’s this shell of a man who lives in constant fear. The doctor is adjusting his medicine and hopes that will help him. But that will make his body weaker. The shakes will increase. The freezes will happen more. And slowly, we’ll lose him even more.

And so, while Christmas is here – and I feel heavy hearted, at the same time, I don’t. Music gives me something to focus on while at home this winter. I’m getting comments on all my videos and that feels good. Some videos have reached over 1,000 views which is the most I’ve had since Google took over YouTube. And that one video, has almost 20,000 views.

At the end of the day, while this blog has died right down, I have other things I can focus on. I’m still here. Just not in the same way you know me to be. This blog has changed me, and made me realize what’s important to my life.

Thanks for being here with me.

One Comment Add yours

  1. Dakota says:

    I like your Christmas tune and perfect video to match.


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