This post may contain triggers, please read with caution.
Since joining TikTok, I’ve come across a hashtag called “narctok” and clicked on it one day out of pure curiosity. I thought at first the hashtag might be about people overcoming addictions but nope – it’s a whole trend dedicated to calling out narcissistic behaviors and promoting awareness around toxic relationships.
I had already heard of terms like gaslighting and passive aggression before, but I swear, every day I seem to learn something new. And what I’ve started doing is sharing certain videos to my Instagram page where my family definitely follows me and sees some of my posts. Sure, this is a form of passive aggression, but if you call these people out on their actions – it never ends well. At least not in my experience.
I thought I would share a few things I’ve learned in recent months with you and give some examples of why these behaviours are incredibly toxic. I have learned that the scars from emotional abuse can last forever. Bruises, scrapes and cuts eventually heal. But the trauma from verbal and emotional abuse sticks with you for a long time. And even years of therapy may not be enough to just “get over it.”
What I have learned when dealing with toxic family members that refuse to change their ways is this:
They are generally goading you for a response. They love to see you hurt or uncomfortable or to embarrass you in front of others. If you ask them to stop, then they accuse you of seeking attention, or call you out for being negative – when in fact, they are the ones who are being negative.
Narcs will NEVER take responsibility for their actions. They will say things like, “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry you were hurt” but will never say what they should be saying…
“I’m sorry I hurt you.”
In more cases than not, a narc will never admit to any wrongdoings. They may be well aware that their actions are causing you pain, but more times than not, they get off on that. They love to stir the pot, cause drama and thrive off of making others miserable.
To learn more about narc behaviours, here is my article on how to tell if you’re a narc.
Some forms of emotional abuse are:
- Ignoring you as punishment
- Dismissing your concerns
- Disguising jokes as insults
Keep reading if any of this applies to you.
Jokes disguised as insults
Do you have someone in your life who constantly likes to embarass you in front of others? Do they poke fun of you because of your weight or something you are insecure about? Do people say, “stop being so sensitive” to you when you get upset about it or ask them to stop?
If you’ve said yes to all of these, then you may be victim of verbal and emotional abuse. Abusers will often hide insults or disrespect in the form of a joke. When you call them out on it, they’ll just tell you that you’re either overreacting or that you need to learn to take a joke.
Here’s a really red flag alert from
Emotional recovery blogs
This is another new term for me that I learned yesterday while researching article ideas. I guess this blog has served as a part of recovery for me. Writing about these hurtful exchanges is not just about venting, it’s a way for me to share what I’ve learned about emotional abuse with others. I’m hoping that this blog will not only help me heal, but it will help other reads to recognize signs of emotional abuse.
I’ve been accused from other bloggers for being negative even by posting these topics. After reading that person’s blog, I realized that he was everything he accused me of being. Reading posts like this, often trigger these people as they recognize these behaviours in themselves. It is all about entitlement.
It’s 2021, and you no longer have to stay in relationships that no longer serve you well. Whether these people are family, coworkers or your spouse – you have every right to put a stop the abusive behaviors.
I’m not a therapist, but what I will suggest is this:
Ask the person to stop. Have a heart to heart with them. If they react in anger, then remove yourself from the situation. Set your boundaries firmly – in writing if you have to. But be prepared to see whole different side of this person. Things can get very ugly when they reveal their true colors and intentions.
My other advice is to start writing about your experiences. You can write a book, short stories or start a blog like I have done. You can create a private blog, or write under a fake name. Do what you need to, to protect yourself.
And if you are living in an abusive situation, I urge you to seek professional counsel and ask for friends or loved ones to help you.
Mostly single blogging….am I narctok now?
Honestly, the more I learn about toxic relationships, the more I think this blog should serve as a space for me to heal from emotionally abusive relationships. If you’re reading this and wondering why I’m still in therapy and healing from past hurts, I’ll just say…
It’s because of YOU. The narcs in my life. And unfortunately, there are many of them.