Contemplating the meaning of life

I had great plans today to get up early, have a full day of cleaning, shower, get dressed and go outside for a bit. Well, the weather once again has foiled my plans and so did the insomnia. I went to bed last night around 2 am which if I get up for 8 am, that’s still a good enough sleep. But just could not sleep. So, I got on Tik Tok. Next thing you know, it’s 4 in the morning.

I decided to get out of bed and do laps around my condo. I would have walked the halls but I did not want to get dressed. I think being cooped up in isolation is getting to me. But this weather – it’s not helping. The wind has been so strong that it makes the temperature about 10 degrees colder. The laps though felt good and seemed to help. I popped a gravol and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I passed out.

My alarm went off around 10 am and I said to hell with it. Turned it off. Rolled over and went back to sleep until around 11:30. I’m kicking myself now. I think I missed the good weather. The tree outside is going crazy. I actually had to move my flowers closer to the door last night because it was so vicious.

I don’t remember it being this windy in summer time when I was younger. Yes, we had a lot of thunderstorms and even tornados in the 80’s. But the wind is definitely more noticeable up here on the 3rd floor.

How windy has it been?

Last night I went into the bathroom to do my business, and the water in the tank was rising and settling. I had to look up what that was online – and yes. Apparently, really strong wind can cause plumbing issues! I had no idea.

The wind also causes issues with the vent on the oven. It rattles non-stop at night time. It’s quiet at the moment. But I think the wind is just so strong that it’s causing the building to shake. Ohhh. There is goes again.

So, I doubt I will get out today. I was hoping to get some tanning in BUT IT IS SO COLD!!! WHY!!! It’s almost June. Why do I live here?

I stayed up last night to try and get a video of the blood moon. But nope. Between the wind and the clouds it was a no go. I’m glad I got the camera out the night before.

Tomorrow I do have to go out to the doctor’s office to pick up some forms. He finished it rather quickly this time. I’m hoping this is the very last one. If I’m denied disability benefits, then my union rep and I will be discussing leaving the job for health reasons. This might actually be better as I won’t have to go through the grievance process. I know in my heart I cannot return to administrative work. I just do not know what to do with the rest of my life.

I’ve been adding artwork and products to my Red Bubble and Etsy store. I opened up the Etsy store to drop-ship smaller items. I’m now selling beanies, mugs and prints. Things that don’t cost a lot to ship. This is a very tedious process though. I love designing and creating products.

I also renamed my shop to “jenwenartca” which is what it was originally. I’m not rebranding everything though. Wendy’s Editables will be used for digital products. Confusing? Maybe. But the banner is really pretty.

Sometimes I think I missed my calling as a clothing designer. Not so much in the styles, but the patterns. It’s something I can get lost in for hours and not think about anything else. It’s like meditation almost. I’m hoping that one day, these stores will bring in some income. I might get back into writing.

People also suggest selling courses online but I have a hard time thinking about what I could offer that others have not. The music industry is something I have lost interest in all together. I wouldn’t even be that upset if I was replaced at the church. It’s been 16-17 years of my life now that I’ve played the organ. I’d be okay moving onto something else. Isolation life has changed me.

So, these are thoughts I’m left with on this dreary Thursday afternoon. I think while I’m out tomorrow I’ll stop at Walmart or No Frills and pick up a few things.

At least I got dressed today and took out the garbage. That counts as something, right?

Happy Thursday!

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