You ever have one of those days where the shocking news just keeps piling on and you get to the point that you don’t even know how you are supposed to react anymore? Well, bump that up to a week of sad news and you are where I am today.
Like my post yesterday said, I’m not in a depression. But I’m definitely in a funk – which happens to us all at some point in our lives. Whether we say goodbye to a loved friend or family member, we lose a job, or lose something in our life that meant so much to us – the grief hits us all at some point. And we all grieve differently.
For me, writing is my therapy when it comes to grief. I often rely on this blog and sites like Reddit where I can comment freely, and anonymously, on whatever discussions I want to. I’m quite frank and honest about my life. Maybe a little too much in some cases. But sometimes sharing pain with others, helps one to cope with the pain. And perhaps in some cases, you can teach others how to cope with their pain.
Pain is a part of life that we all experience. No matter what are age, race, gender, or even political views are. The one commonality we have in this world is pain that we all suffer from time to time.
So, imagine my shock when I got a notification on Reddit this morning saying:
A concerned redditor reached out to us about you. When you’re in the middle of something painful, it may feel like you don’t have a lot of options. But whatever you’re going through, you deserve help and there are people who are for you.
To put it mildly, reading this upset me. The email went onto list all the resources for suicide prevention and help in Canada. You can bet that I reported this as targeted harassment. For a couple of reasons.
I went back several days in my posting history, which is a lot lately because I’m still not working. The only post I could find where I mentioned “I’m struggling with isolation” was posted not long before I wrote this post here on the blog the other day about struggling with isolation. Even in the blog, I said I wasn’t depressed – I was, just like millions of others out there, struggling with not being able to see my loved ones.
Struggling. Not depressed. Not considering self-harm. Not even remotely close to thinking about suicide. And yet this keyboard warrior, reports my message and claims that I’m suicidal?
Are you FUCKING kidding me?
I replied back to the “care team” saying exactly this. That no where in my comment did I mention self-harm or suicide. No where in my comment history of ALL TIME have I ever even said that I wanted to hurt myself. Not once.
Because that is not who I am. That is not something I would ever do. I love myself, and my family too much, to ever put them through that kind of hell.
What I am pissed about is what right does this person have? To intrude on my life like this? After reading one comment on ONE thread about the struggles of isolation where everyone was sharing their feelings?
Just because a person openly discusses their feelings online in open forum, it doesn’t mean they are thinking about harming thesmelves. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they are looking for an “easy way out”.
It just simply means, in my case, I was sharing my feelings to help others who felt the same way. In fact, I’ll share the message with you here so you can tell me how you would take it.
As a single person I’m really struggling this time with the new restrictions. Kind of screws us single people over. Most of my friends are married or live with more than one person. Or they already have their two people that they’re allowed to see outside their household. Before this lockdown, I had my cohort that I could still get together with – my sister and her family. We kept it small and safe and limited to once a month. Now I can’t even see them. I can’t see my dad either as he’s in total lockdown at his long-term care home and has been for over a month. The guilt of not being able to see him weighs heavy. It’s just harder this time around because we’ve had to give up so much this year already. I’m not depressed, but I’m struggling. I’m also not working right now so it’s hard to even get up some mornings when you don’t have a planned schedule. I try to keep to regular hours but there are days you just feel like saying fuck it. I try and keep busy with art projects, or projects around the home. Zoom calls with family. Chatting on the phone with friends. Getting outside for fresh air every couple of days. These are all things that get me through each day.
By “fuck it” – that doesn’t mean I’ve given up. It just means I might sleep more that day. Or just take it easy for my mental health. It might mean that I keep to myself for an entire day without talking to anyone else. Or I might watch a feel good movie and have an ugly cry.
So, before you hit that report button on a comment, maybe think twice about whether you really should or not. Saying “I’m struggling” is NOT the same as “I want to kill myself.”
Okay, end of rant. I might delete this later but I’m really quite livid over this. In all my history and years of online forums, I’ve never received a report like this!
Now that said, if you are struggling with suicide and depression, there is help out there. Reach out to your loved ones. Talk to your doctor. Talk to a trusted friend. Don’t listen to some random twat on the internet.
End of rant