It’s Sunday night as I’m typing this but you will see this on Monday morning. I’m getting better with scheduling posts ahead of time. I also did some work on my FOOD page — check it out. It’s newly formatted and the recipes should be easier to go through. I’ll be adding more recipes over the next few weeks as I get more into cooking.
I’m exhausted and in pain today. I almost cried the pain was so bad when I got home. We were at the family house cleaning the last bit of paperwork out. We sold all the furniture and had to sit on the floor. Because of my knees and current weight, this hurts.
I didn’t do too many loads up and down the stairs. But I think I pulled something in my back again. And this is why I desperately need to lose weight. I’m tired of being tired all the time. I’m tired of hiding at home because hate the size I am. I’m tired of not being able to do all the things I once loved like going for long walks or hikes, going to the gym or even going to a fitness class in the pool. I’m so ashamed of how big I allowed myself to get.
Back in February-March, pre-COVID, I was doing really well. I had lost about 20 pounds over the winter and managed to keep it off. But then isolation hit and I got depressed over everything. It wasn’t until April when I learned my WCB case got approved, that I started feeling more like myself.
We took family photos at the house today – and I hate seeing myself in pictures. It’s a wake up call. I could barely move when I got into my condo. I took two pain killers and went back to bed. Even that hurt.
It could be the hormones. It’s about that time of month. The pain can get really bad. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just falling apart.
I have no point in this post. I just needed to vent and have a pity party for one. I really have no one else to blame for this except for myself. Yes, the hormones are part of it. But just a small part.
I really need to focus on healthy eating and increase my exercise. I’m setting more goals. 50 pounds by February. I need to be in shape for the move in the spring. I want to live in a townhouse or duplex which means living with stairs. I’m tired of condo living. I want something private with a yard. Even if it means shoveling the sidewalks and mowing the lawn – which I need to be in shape for.
Heck, I’d settle for a small private patio in the back. I’m not picky.
So, today’s been a difficult day. Saying goodbye to 50 years worth of memories. Going through my parent’s personal items makes me feel icky. It wasn’t so much that it was a lot of work – it was more that it felt invasive. I took home a few of my mum’s journals to feel closer to her. Dad’s journals were in Danish but I took a couple home with me.
I’m sad. But excited for the family to move on. One less thing to worry about. I’ll move in the spring and hopefully will have a new job by then. But that process could take up to two years. I’ll have a whole new life. And hopefully, I’ll be in the shape I want to be so I can do all the things I want to.
Things like travel, hiking, fitness classes – maybe even take a cooking class or two. I don’t know. We’ll see. I’m still looking for courses that I can take over the next few months.
And so, thus ends my whiny “life is hard” post for the week.
I promise I won’t share too many of these. My head is noisy tonight and sometimes you just gotta get out all your feelings.