I’m part of an adult website that has several fitness groups. I moderate one of the largest groups – there is another one that focuses more on athletics – not just weight loss.
It’s one of those groups where you can post a question and all the members can respond to your question. The group I run is chill. It’s a support group and anyone who steps out of line or who acts like a dick gets scolded pretty quickly.
But this other group is just awful. I mean, really awful.
The question that pissed me off is this and I’m paraphrasing as it was a long winded question….
“I’m a fit guy. I have this friend who is fat and unhealthy. How can I get her motivated to workout? I’ve offered to help train her but she’s just not interested. How can I convince her she needs to lose weight for her health?”
I can’t tell you how much this pissed me off. It brought back all kinds of memories of abuse I took as a kid – from verbal comments from my mother like “I don’t know how we’ll get jeans that will fit you now” to my grandfather saying, “You’re so fat, you need to lose weight.”
People who are “fat” or overweight – they know they are. Trust me. And most of us HATE it. Absolutely hate it. And some of us – are actually working our asses off to lose that weight.
I workout a lot – I slipped up this week due to a migraine. But when I’m feeling good – I workout SIX days a week. I track every piece of food I put into my mouth. I try to be as healthy as I can – but sometimes I slip. Sometimes you just need comfort food.
And no matter what I try and do – no matter how healthy I try to eat and how much I exercise – the weight is still there. It’s moving – but slowly.
Am I fat? Yep. But I know I am – and I am trying to better myself for it. Why? Because I want to. Because I want to be healthy.
Not because some douche canoe on the internet told me I should lose weight. And definitely not because a fitter friend couldn’t handle how much I weigh.
I think if you’re genuinely concerned about the health of your friend or a loved one, there is a kinder way to say, “Hey, I’m worried about you.”
But badgering someone about their weight constantly? Every time you get together? It’s a good way to lose that friend.
I know I stopped hanging around people who I found out poked fun about my weight behind my back – some were family members too. I even stopped seeing my mother for a while until I finally told her why I stopped visiting her.
In my experience – it’s like dealing with addicts.
A person has to want change for themselves to get healthier. And in some cases, like me, I’m doing everything right – but the weight is taking a long time to come off.
You can be concerned for your friend – but back off. If they want the help, they will ask you. If they’re happy with the way they are – then leave it be.
So, if you take anything away from this rant it’s this.
If you can’t handle having an overweight friend, then find a new friend. Because if you constantly pick apart someone for the way they look – they will start to resent you and may drop you all together.
And if you are the type who is so obsessed with someone’s weight that you can’t look past it to love that person – then you’re part of the problem here. No, I change that. You are the problem here.
There’s a difference between being supportive and just being abusive.
Okay, end of rant. I feel better about that now. Life is too short to constantly try and change yourself to please other people. If you want to make changes – make it for YOU and only YOU.
Fuck, everyone else.
Well, not literally. But you know what I mean.