My insomnia has been giving me grief for the last few weeks. I think it’s the weather. But in part, I think a lot of it – is the isolation. It’s wearing me down. I’ve always been a loner and an introvert. But I’ve never been alone for this long. And it’s really starting to affect my mental health.
I’ve tried reaching out to friends often and especially to check on my elderly friends. I worry a lot for my dad. His health is failing and his residence refuses to let my sister check in on him. Rules? I get the rules. But when you are in late stages of Parkisons, and dementia, and you have a nasty fall – you think there would be exceptions to the rules.
But apparently not. And so, we’re faced with some hard decisions.
I have the summer to to get my life back on track. This means losing weight. I’ve tried filling my days with music projects and tidying up my condo. But you can only do so much of that.
I’ve tried everything for the insomnia. Even resorted to taking a couple of gravol before bed. But nothing seems to work these days. Maybe it’s hormones. Maybe it’s just life now. I don’t know. I slept most of yesterday to catch up some sleep.
But one thing I have started doing to help relax and declutter the mind is this – hopping onto Spotify or Youtube to listen to some meditation music.
Doing this has led me back to the wonderful music of the pan flute and Native American (Indigenous) drums. It takes me back to the days where I attended drumming circles and studied Shamanism with a group of local Shamans.
Seriously… just take a moment and listen to this. It’s transcendent.
From there, my studies went into various areas. Theology had always been an interest of mine. I was raised Catholic and attended church with my family for fourteen years. But when I moved out from home – I felt the need to explore and try new things.
I found my way into Wicca, Witchcraft, Tarot reading – until eventually – I found the path of the Shaman. I even studied Reiki one summer. It made for some interesting “massage” sessions with my next boyfriend.
I never really devoted myself to one faith or religion. I consider myself to be more open minded with “open ended beliefs.” Really, that’s just an easy cop-out of commitment. I think there’s so much to this world that we just don’t understand or are not meant to understand. More than anything, I just crave knowledge and to experience different things.
But there was something about Shamanism that just spoke to me in a deep way that I couldn’t explain. The ways of the Shaman date back to prehistoric days. Perhaps it was that most Shamans think of themselves as healers. Some call them Witch Doctors. But for me, this music – it’s just healing. It feels right. I feel connected to the earth and everything around me.
I’m finding myself wanting to explore this side of me even more. There’s something mystical about it. I’m really upset that I never got the chance to attend a pow wow. Maybe next year.
Writing is my true calling.
I had someone from wordpress the other day ask me “Have you ever written a book?” as he poked through my blog while we were waiting for the content to export. “You’ve written so much, you really should turn it into a book.” He earned bonus points when he checked out my Youtube page and listened to my music.
I hear that a lot. I have started many books over the years about my experiences. But for fear of backlash from family or even coworkers, I held back. I felt that talking about some topics would result in ruining my career. I actually did publish two books under a pen name – but pulled them from the listings for fear of backlash.
But there’s this voice nagging at me. From deep inside – telling me that I should talk about my learnings. Especially the things I learned with the Elders over the past four years of my life at my last job.
Life sometimes comes at you full circle. I always felt a special connection to the Indigenous peoples that I worked with. I’m not sure why. I don’t have an Indigenous bone in my body – excuse the phrase.
But I really appreciate learning about the “old ways” and things such as the Medicine Wheel. I learned so much about Indigenous protocols. I even got to make my own handdrum out of raw cow hyde (and complained the entire time too).
And so, while listening to Michael Looking Coyote’s meditation cd’s on Spotify, while contemplating the meaning of life at 5:30 on a Tuesday morning – I finally settled on a theme for this blog.
Mostly single – indeed. But my tagline…. are you ready for it?
Healthy Living = Happy Heart.– mostlysingle.com
Here’s the album I’m listening to. I feel so at peace while it plays.
And this is my way of telling you – expect more articles about Shamanism and the things I’ve learned over the years. Because I feel as though I need to share it with you. And one day, I might even publish that book for you to enjoy.
What do you listen to, to help you sleep?