What does Auld Lang Syne even mean? If you ask a hundred different people, you’re going to get a hundred different answers. But now that I’m home, and alone – and lost in thought – I can’t help but wonder. What does Auld Lang Syne really mean?
Back in the late 90’s, like many females my age, I was obsessed with Sarah Jessica Parker and Sex and the City. I mean, she got to hook up with hot guys like Bon Jovi (swoon), David Duchavony, John Corbett and the often misguided “Big” – played by the ever handsome Chris Noth.
Many people ask me why I’m single. I give the same old answer. “I’m a better person when I’m single.” Or, “I’ve just had too many bad relationships.”
But the answer is really simple. If you ever watched Sex and the City, you know what a player Big was early on. And like Carrie Bradshaw, I had my fair share of guys who were just like Mr. Big.
One guy in particular. I was dumb enough to love for nearly 20 years. I had met him when I was 19 and we dated off and on over the years. When he disappeared, I would move onto someone else and become happily involved. Then my Mr. Big would come around and profess his undying love for me. This would cause my happy relationship to end – because more than once, he would grab me and kiss me and confuse the fuck out of me. We’d date for a couple of months. And then he’d disappear again.
lt was always the same. And I had myself convinced that if I just held out a little longer – he’d change. I thought if I lost all that weight (and I did) – he’d stay. And back in 2012, he did stay. We dated for about two or three months. He would stay over on Friday nights. But then come Saturday, he always bailed with other plans. I saw other people during that time. We were never really exclusive. But that was more his choice. Not mine.
The guy who never wanted to get married and didn’t want kids – he’s now married and raising a toddler. I’m sure he’s still got a couple of girls on the side. It took me a long time to realize that I was the girl on the side for him.
After I ended things with him – I got back with another ex of mine. And we were very toxic when together. You know how things are. Early in relationships, things are hot and heavy. But we had nothing in common. We cared for each other. But we wanted different things in life. And we brought out the worst in each other. He brought out the little girl in me – he was almost a decade older than me. I looked up to him like a father figure almost. And I think in the end, he started resenting me for it. We fought a lot. And the relationship ended badly. Very. Badly. Let’s just leave it at that.
That was nearly five years ago. In 2015. Just after I moved to this condo. Time has flown. I tried meeting people after that. I tried joining social groups and discovered new activities. I threw myself into art, music and all of that. But then my dad got sick and my life became all about taking care of him.
And so, that’s the long winded response (minus about 15 years of drama you don’t need to read about tonight) of why I’m single. And it’s what led me to start this blog. I struggled over what to write about. I struggled over what things I should share with you and what I shouldn’t. I try to keep this anonymous. But with music and art – it’s difficult not to use my real name. I have so many hobbies and so many things to keep me busy that – well.
Anyway. I guess I got a little sidetracked there.
What does Auld Lang Syne mean? Why do we sing it on New Year’s Eve? And what does it have to do with Sex and the City?
When I saw the movie, I was on the outs with my own version of Mr. Big. And this scene hit me harder than most movies do. I cried. I still cry when I watch it. I might have to watch it tonight – just because maybe I need a good therapeutic cry after an evening with my dad.
Miranda was never my favorite character. But her ramble about being alone on New Year’s – it gets me every time. And what Carrie does for her friend – now well. That’s what Auld Lang Syne means to me.
It’s about friends. Family. Love. Letting go of the old. Moving onto the new. Making plans. Setting goals. Meeting new friends. And remembering the old.
So, to you and yours, I’m leaving you with this beautiful song. And I ask you – what does Auld Lang Syne mean to you?
Now excuse me, while I go have a good cry and watch romance movies while drinking eggnog and rum.
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