I am reminded why I don’t use online websites for dating anymore. I seem to forget this rule every year or two. When I’m in the mood to meet someone new for social outings or just the occasional dinner and a live show – I sign up on Plenty of Crap – I mean, Plenty of Fish. And every time. I’m reminded just how terrible the site really is.
Joining a meet up group is different. You can get out and do things you enjoy – and meet all kinds of people of all ages, sizes, and ethnic backgrounds. Hobbies like photography, walking or hiking, or just going out for dinner – these are all great groups to be part of and do things you love to do. I highly recommending using Meetup.com if you are looking to meet new people in your area. Don’t join POF. Really don’t. The website should be renamed to Plenty of Crap.
I’m not far off. Some guy just favorited me – and his nickname was “plentyofcreepy”
After my sister’s wedding, I experienced a minute of sadness. I remembered all the things I missed about dating while at the wedding. Having someone to talk to every day. Having someone that I can call up and invite out to dinner, a movie or just go for a walk with. These are things that I missed. Even just to have someone to give a hug to on a bad day… that’s the thing I miss the most!
But then I remembered all the bad things that come with dating.
There’s the games that people play. The online communication thing is brutal. I miss the days where we could just pick up the phone and call someone. Remember the 90’s? I remember spending so much time on the phone in my room that I often fell asleep in bed while chatting with some random guy I met at a party. Those were the days. I miss those days. The days of writing letters. Receiving flowers at my door.
I don’t check POF every day. In fact, there are some weeks that I forget I even have an account there. Same with MeetUp. I’m bad for remembering to check for new emails. I actually almost forgot I had an account on MeetUp until logged in last month.
Meetup.com – not as many creeps as you’d think
Most of the people that I’ve exchanged messages with on MeetUp have been fairly civil. One person I’ve been chatting off and on with but – you kind of get to the point where you know you have nothing in common and wonder what’s the point?
Another guy sent me a message asking to join me at a concert. I respectfully declined his offer, thanked him but said “I’m looking for someone closer to my age.”
He then responded with a second message,
“So, 55 is too old for you?” he said.
Plenty of crap to choose from – and I truly mean that – there are a lot of players online.
It seems that every time I log into POF I find a new message. There was one today from a guy who was much younger than me. My profile is pretty specific in what I’m searching for. It’s long. It’s designed that way to weed out the “playahs” – the ones who just click on a picture and instantly send you a message without thinking like… “Hey, beautiful.”
“Hey beautiful,” he said.
“Only playahs use an opening line like that,” I remarked.
“Oh come on now, don’t be angry, beautiful,” he said.
And then there’s trawling, just to be a trawl.
This is a message I received today from a much younger guy. I should have just left it unread, but, just sometimes – playing with trawls can be entertaining. My pictures are all recent. They are clear and show my face. I’m even smiling in one. I’m pretty sure this dude was just out for a troll.
“Are you sure you are 42?” he said.
“Wtf?” I didn’t have time to be polite.
“You look like you’re 60,” he said back to me.
“Nice try dude,” I said.
“Lmao,” he replied with.
Secretly, I wish we could send memes instead of text messages. Because.. yeah. You can say a lot with a simple meme. It takes ages to find one that represents your true feelings. That is – if you have any to begin with.
If any guys are reading this – let me give you some advice and some examples of messages NOT to send to females on dating sites. And yes, I’ve received all of these – most within the past two weeks. Sad to say, men haven’t learned to behave better online even with the existence of movements like MeToo.
What not to say in your opening messages
“You are beautiful. How are the hot dates coming along?”
“🐘🐘” — I don’t even… what does this mean???
“Hey, how are you?” or worse, “Hi.”
What am I supposed to do with this? Do you know how many messages women get like this in a day? Do you know how many messages go unanswered because I just don’t know what to do with them? A lot. Like maybe 5-10 in a given hour that I’m logged onto the site. Even more if it’s after midnight.
Read a profile – mention a common interest in your opening message
Generic one liner messages, like “hello” screams that you just liked my pictures without reading my profile. If you really are interested in someone, then read their profile! It doesn’t take long. Find out what they like to do or what their hobbies are. Mention one of them in your opening messages. Find something you have in common. Don’t just message someone because you like their picture.
She hasn’t responded to me – I should contact her again, and again
I don’t know why guys do this. If a woman hasn’t responded to your message, take it as she’s not interested. And that is a prerogative every woman has. It’s our right. We can say no – and we will.
I choose not to respond to most messages because it’s polite. 9/10 times that I do respond saying thanks but no thanks – I’m called a slut, whore, or other derogatory names.
We just can’t win with you sometimes. If we ignore a message – we’re a bitch. If we respond politely, we’re still a bitch, or a whore or a slut.
I think I’ll stop there. I have a nice roast chicken waiting for me. I haven’t cooked all week and I need to get back into it. Hope you enjoyed this nice little rant.
I think I hear the bottle of rum in my cupboard calling my name.