Okay, I have a lot to say today. Get your cup of coffee, lie down, get comfy. This is going to be a lengthy rant. And it all has to do with weight loss. So, if you’re not interested, then maybe find a happy Sunday morning post. I’m annoyed. More than annoyed, I’m actually quite angry over something I read last night.
It’s amazing how some people you don’t even know can really upset you. I guess some discussions just really hit home more than others.
Since I was about twelve years old, weight has always been an issue for me. I was always chubby and had a pear shaped body. My waist and bust area made me look like I was in good shape. But my hips have always been “thick” and the weight always piles onto my arms.
It wasn’t until I was about 29, that I learned about Poly-cystic Ovary Syndrome/Disease (PCOS). It wasn’t until I turned 30, that I finally understood what was going on with my body. It seemed like no matter what kind of diet I followed, I still gained weight.
Finally, in 2009, after a terrible break-up, and after having ballooned to a whopping 260 pounds, I finally decided to get my life back. I learned as much as I could about eating healthy when you have a hormonal imbalance. That’s what PCOS is. A hormonal imbalance. It has also resulted in me never being able to give birth or have a healthy child. It’s something I’ve come to terms with.
It is – what it is. I choose this life for me and me only. I’m single because I want to be single. I’m a better person when single. Life is easier that way. And fuck anyone who tries to tell me differently.
But that isn’t my rant for the day. No, it’s about weight-loss and weight gain.
I really hate it when thin people look at a heavy person and automatically think that they are lazy or must make poor food choices. I really hate those side-long glances that people give me when they see me climb out of a car. I know what they’re thinking. I can see it in their eyes. I’m not stupid.
Losing weight and doing this fitness challenge – it was a decision I made. No one could force me into it. I had to decide to do this for me. And for me alone. It’s no one else’s damn business why I want to get into shape. Nor is it anyone’s business to know how I got to the point I did.
What was the deciding factor for me to lose weight? It’s easy.
I got tired of feeling like shit all the time. I would wake up feeling exhausted each morning. I would stay up all night and feel sick in the morning. I had chronic digestive and stomach problems that kept me in bed for days at a time. And the migraines hit almost weekly – sometimes more than once a week.
I knew I had to do something about it and fast. But it wasn’t just the health problems that made me feel like crap. There was more to it.
When I first went shopping for a dress for the wedding, it was only then that I realized how big I let myself get. When even the 2x clothes that I had bought two years ago, were feeling snug, and even the 3x dress that I found in the store was tight around the hips, I knew. Things were out of control and if I didn’t do something about it… well, you know what happens when weight gets out of control. I’ve watched those shows – My 600 pound life is a depressing show.
My fitness challenge actually began a couple of months before the wedding. I knew I had to lose weight if I wanted to look good for pictures. And I did – I dropped almost ten pounds in a month from dietary changes alone. I’ve managed to keep those ten pounds off. And while the scale hasn’t budged much, I know my clothes are fitting looser and I feel better. But I knew that if I wanted to keep motivated and be held accountable for my actions, I had to blog or write about it. Now – blogging about my recipes and progress is something I look forward to each week.
I am wearing my 1x jackets and shirts again. It feels wonderful.
But getting to this point – where I can wake up easily in the morning and get into bed by midnight wasn’t easy. Relearning to cook and eat healthy – it took several weeks to develop those habits again. It’s been painful. But I’m getting there. And I feel pretty amazing.
At least until last night and I read something that really hit me hard. The person who posted the question in a group I moderate, has no idea how obtuse or wrong he is.
Why am I so upset?
I’m part of this fitness group online. I moderate it and keep an eye out for spam and trolls mostly. I boot out abusive people. Sometimes I do research and post valuable resources for the members. I worked hard to create a safe and supportive environment. I hate the website that the group is in – but I love the people that are in it.
Someone posted a question last night. Let me copy/paste it here for you so you can see just how awful of a question it was.
A good friend of mine is about 50 lbs overweight, but does not seem to want to lose weight because she argues that weight is shamed in our culture and and beauty is erroneously equated to leanness, that is there is thin privilege and body policing for women. I think all of these are valid points but none of these should come before her health. We have previously talked about these things, and I tell her that my reasons are not at all about societal beauty standards, and I don’t care for her to be thin or as lean as society seems to obsessively want. I just want her to stay healthy in the future. I know that excess fat predisposes her to heart disease, diabetes, and back pain, and blunts her metabolism, among other things, but I don’t know all the common health conditions that commonly occur to people because they have excess weight.
Can people in this group help me out with talking of common health problems that would result from her level of excess fat?
Oh man. Just reading this question brought up all the memories of being bullied as a kid because of my weight. I remembered all the times that my grandfather would look at me and say,
“Don’t you even want to lose weight? You’re so heavy now.”
I remember one time in elementary school, I wasn’t even heavy at that point. But my mum had bought me a puffy blue jacket for winter. It made me look like a butterball. And the kids called me a butterball that entire week. Until I finally told my mother to take the jacket back and buy me something else.
What bothers me about this post/question is this:
If someone is overweight, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are at risk for diabetes or other health issues. I know some very fit people who are heavier.
When I was a size 12 – I was in the best shape of my life. I was mountain hiking, I took boxing lessons – and I worked out five days a week. I lost 70 pounds by eating healthy and doing exercise. I only gained the weight back on because of a knee injury and a random illness that doctor’s couldn’t diagnose.
Even at my heaviest, I’ve NEVER been at risk for diabetes or insulin related issues. My blood pressure has been near perfect. There was a time that it was slightly high due to lack of sleep and personal stress. Now, it’s perfect. I’m in great health overall. Even the symptoms of the PCOS cleared right up and I feel very little pain.
But now that I’m older, everything takes much longer.
Now that I’m older, it’s taking longer to take the weight off. But I’m determined to do it. I’m tired of people looking at me like I’m a fat and lazy slob. If only they knew how much work I put in every day to lose weight.
If only they knew what I ate every day, or how many hours I’ve spent in the kitchen this month. Or how much money I’ve spent on healthy food – because let’s face it – eating healthy is NOT cheap. The prices of chicken and fruit is astronomical. Even the cost of asparagus would shock you. It was listed at $45/kg. Yep. That’s insanity.
I know I’m rambling and this is long. But I don’t care. This person – his question – upset me. So, I’m going to end this post with this unsolicited advice. And I hope that every person out there who reads this, and who is thin, or never had an issue with weight – will think next time before judging a person for their weight. Keep your displeasure of their appearance to yourself. Because they don’t need to know your opinion.
Stop telling us we’re fat and need to lose weight. We already know this.
People who have a weight problem, are fully aware of it. We don’t need your constant reminders, stares, glances, or looks of disapproval. Stop telling us to lose weight. Just, stop it. Mind your own business. Just be supportive instead of being an abusive asshole.
People who are heavy and are at the gym trying to better themselves, don’t need to be teased, harassed or body-shamed. Come on folks. It takes a lot of courage to make this change and get out there in front of people. This is why I workout at home.
Stop recording videos or creating memes of people who are overweight and sharing them online. This is bullying. It makes it that much harder to even want to make the effort to lose weight.
A person is who is morbidly overweight or is at risk for health issues, doesn’t need to reminded that they need to lose weight. They have to want to make the change for themselves. When they are finally ready to make the change to be healthy, then be supportive of them. Be supportive of them no matter what size they are.
Badgering a friend about their weight, is a good way to alienate and lose friends. Constantly reminding someone about their faults? That’s abuse. It’s bullying. And it’s wrong. It’s concern trolling. People don’t need to hear it.
I’ll stop there. Posts like this just make me more determined to carry out my fitness challenge and see it through to the end. No matter what obstacles life throws me.
Thanks for reading.