Friday Night Musings

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Another Friday night has come and gone after a busy and productive week. As the work day came to an end, I debated on heading out for another evening of shopping. But when I stood up from my chair and heard the protests from my knees, I took it as a sign to go home and relax for the evening.

The family wedding is just a few weeks away. I spent seven hours shopping this week. SEVEN. Just to find the perfect dress and an outfit for a celebration this week. Which after trying it on today – I realized it looks awful.

Don’t you hate that? What is with clothes that you try on in the store? They look perfect. You take them home, try them on at home. But it looks terrible on you. I know I’ll be taking that one back – good thing I’ve learned to keep receipts.

I’m in between sizes right now. Been trying for months to lose weight and I’m finally seeing progress. It’s my fault really. This year has been a bust health wise with migraines and fatigue. I just haven’t had the energy to work out like I used to.

But going shopping, was also my excuse to start getting out more. Being around people more rather than cutting off myself completely. I’ve been so unhappy with my weight and health issues, that I’ve gotten myself sucked into this rut that I can’t seem to get out of.

My life has become routine. A dull hum.

I work Monday-Friday. I come home after work. I eat dinner. I hop on my mini-cycle for 30 minutes, three times a week. I’m in bed by 12:30am. And then up at 8:00 the next morning. Friday nights are my time to relax. Saturdays – I catch up on all my chores and laundry. Saturday evenings – I see my dad. And Sundays – I’m at my volunteer job. Then I have a few hours to myself before doing it all over again.

But that’s all about to change. I’ll have more free time to catch up on things at home. To get some extra rest. To spend more time with my dad. To start focusing more on training. Do all the things I’ve been wanting to do – but have zero energy for.

This week – I made some major changes. I’m pushing my limits. I’m still in “introvert” mode. I still hate crowds. Even walking through a busy shopping mall is quite literally, a nightmare for me.

But – I forced myself to go out this week. Other introverts will nod their head in agreements. I’m borderline anti-social. I mean, well, I socialize with coworkers all day at work. We have planning meetings. Team meetings. Follow up meetings. One to one reporting meetings. Project meetings. Heck, by the time I get home I’m usually all talked out and just want to zone out in front of the computer.

But I’m determined to get back into shape. I’m determined to focus on my health. I’m determined to make those life changes I’ve been saying I would do for the last four years.

I spent two hours walking around the mall on Tuesday night and it felt great. I was really sore by the time I got home. But the next day I woke up with really good energy. I wanted to back and do it again.

Wednesday night – I forced myself to go back to the mall since I still hadn’t found a dress. The weather was cooler so it was easier to walk around. And I found a dress! After three hours of shopping!

In between stores, I grabbed a bite to eat in the food court. I had to laugh at myself though. I couldn’t decide on what I wanted. There weren’t many healthy options so I went for the Thai Express booth. A big mistake it turns out. But I ordered a small of chicken, rice and veggies. Then it was time to find a seat.

All my favorite “hiding” spots were taken. Every time I rounded a corner, I stumbled upon someone quietly enjoying their meal. Finally, I walked all around the food court and found a quiet table for two. It was in the further corner of the foodcourt.

It’s not that I’m anti-social. I just… I don’t know. I prefer being on my own sometimes and out of the limelight. I prefer to hide in the corner and watch the world walk by. I love to people watch and figure out their stories. Like who they are and where they came from.

A couple sat a few tables away from me. And I watched as they fed their baby. They seemed happy and for a moment, I felt that pang. That pang I get every now and then at the thought of having a family. But I know that ship has long sailed. It’s a choice I made a long time ago. I don’t regret it. It’s just the way it is. But looking at other families like that. Young, happy with their whole lives ahead of them. I often feel… what’s the word I’m looking for?

Longing? I don’t think that’s it. But you know what I mean.

The dish I ordered was horrible. It was drenched in grease and it tasted off. I ate a few bites before pushing it away. I watched as the grease soaked through the bottom of the container and spilled onto the table. I didn’t care. If the restaurant put that much grease on their food – that was their issue.

I sat for about twenty minutes before carrying on. I couldn’t believe it when I looked at my phone. It was after eight pm! I had walked around the mall only stopping to try on a few clothes since five!

I made way down to the main floor of the mall when I came across a small hair salon. It was empty. I had passed it earlier in my travels but it was packed at the time. Forty minutes later, I walked out with a fresh new hair cut.

There’s nothing better than having your hair professionally washed, your head massaged and then a cut to make everything look fresh. It’s a great little pick me up. A great feeling. One of life’s small little pleasures.

I stopped at Starbucks on the way out, grabbed myself a latte and headed home.

The next morning, I pulled out my trusty tape measure and couldn’t believe I had dropped another inch around. My weight has always fluctuated. But now that I’m getting regular sleep and exercise – the inches are dropping… but not fast enough.

I still need to find shoes which I hate shopping for more than bras or swimsuits. And I think I need to get my dress tailored. But the hard part is done.

But the big change that’s coming – is I’m cutting back on my work hours for a few months. Being at the office in front of the computer – and with those bright lights – I am pretty sure that’s where my migraines are coming from. At least, the lights are partially to blame.

I’m looking forward to having more downtime this summer. While I doubt I’ll get to take an actual vacation this year – I’m looking forward to having real weekends. Maybe I can get away to the mountains once or twice.

The point of this post tonight? Nothing really. Just random meanderings. Getting in my thousand word count. Albeit late. It’s after midnight.

But today – I took the first step to making lifestyle changes that I’ve sorely needed for a long time. I have the support of my employer behind me. Now I just need to make the most of it. And start looking after me.

This month – it’s all about self-care and how I can better improve myself. I say this as I feel the soreness in my legs. I’m really out of shape. It’s time to change and get back out there. It’s time to start meeting people. It’s time to start exploring new places and trying new things.

It’s time to really make those changes I’ve talked about. It’s time for a little self-care. It’s time to start looking out for me.

Because in the end, when you’re single – the only one looking out for you – is YOU.

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