Being single is a choice

This morning, one of the new members at church kept asking me questions he already knew the answers to. Most of the time, I’m more than happy to answer questions. But with some people, I just get – annoyed because they are never happy with my answers.

“There’s a guy out there for you – there is. You just have to look for it.”

He grabbed my face and squeezed my cheeks as he said this to me. I’m convinced this man has a drinking problem. No sober person would do this. Every time I tried to tell him that I was HAPPY on my own being single – he interrupted me and refused to let me finish my sentence.

Next time – I’m just going to point up tell him to fuck off. Church or no church. That’s just simply rude.

I don’t NEED a man to complete my life. I just need to be HAPPY. And I’m a better person when NOT in a relationship. I’m sure there are more people out there like me. There has to be.

When I’m in a relationship, I feel like I lose myself in it. My world becomes all about my partner. I become obsessed with what he’s thinking or feeling. As an empathic, his problems become my problems. And it’s just a vicious and exhausting cycle.

My ex always accused me of overthinking things. And while I was right in all my suspicions about him – he was right. I would stress myself over nothing at times.

I’m a better person when I’m single. Some people just can’t accept this. But I’m fine. Really. I like my downtime. I like being able to come and go as I please. I have enough things to fill my time. I have hobbies. I have a great circle of friends. I have good people in my life.

Does it get lonely from time to time? Sure it does. Travel is harder on your own. But I’ve also had some great trips and met some great friends on my adventures. I did things I never would have been able to do as a couple.

I don’t regret my choices. Even though life is harder as a single sometimes – I don’t regret it. I would rather be happy on my own than be in a loveless marriage or a relationship based on lies.

I can have fun on my own time and dime. It’s possible. It can be done.

Photo of Woman Wearing Orange Crop Top and Dungaree Pants Posing With Her Hands Raised

From the pexel library

“Oh you should adopt if you can’t have kids.”

When I found out my uterus had deformed into a heart shape, I realized then and there that kids would not be a wise choice. I could get pregnant, but actually delivering a healthy baby? The chances were very slim. I didn’t want to be responsible for giving birth to a child that was deformed. So I simply chose a life without kids. Now at my age, it’s just not possible.

With my dating history – the timing never seemed right. When I found partners I wanted to settle down with, it seemed that they weren’t ready yet. When I started dating older men – they either had grown kids or couldn’t have anymore kids due to vasectomies.

People are always surprised when I tell them I don’t have kids. But again, it’s a lifestyle choice and one that I don’t regret. I have nieces and nephews that I see from time to time to fill that void. And a sweet little grand nephew that steals my heart.

But today, this man crossed the line. He kept pushing me. He kept asking me why. His wife told him to stop and mind his own business. But he went on and on about how I could adopt if I really wanted kids.

I love his wife. I do. She’s a doll. But I cannot stand him.

I’m good thanks. Please stop asking me if I’m happy with my choices.

But the thing is – now that I’m over 40 and content with my life – I’m okay with my choices. I’ve made peace with it. I’m good. I’m actually really good. I have time to focus on my career, education and writing. I have time for me.

My family thinks I’m selfish and have unrealistic ideals of what life should be like. They’re all married of course with kids. They couldn’t imagine what life would be like without their families. And that’s fine for them. But they treat me like I’m a child myself because I’m not raising my own family. My opinions are invalid because I don’t have children of my own. Even when it comes to issues with my father. My opinions don’t count.

Even some of them are on their second marriage – they still can’t understand why I have no desire to even have a wedding. I guess part of that is because I was a wedding musician and worked in weddings for over 20 years. After awhile, the thought of getting married and living happily ever after lost its charm.

Photo of Bride and GroomHugging

But that doesn’t mean I can’t be happy and supportive of those in my life who do want to get married and start a family. I just wish they would stop looking at me with pity and stop saying,

“There is a guy out there for you, it will happen.”

Why can’t people just STFU and actually listen? Is it because they’re afraid of the answer? Does the idea of being single scare them so much that they just can’t understand how a person can survive on their own?

It can be done. I’ve lived on my own for a very long time. Almost too long. I wouldn’t know how to let a person into my world now.

I’m so tired of defending my lifestyle choices.

“But don’t you get lonely? I would get lonely.”

People need to stop projecting their issues onto other people. Is is really anyone’s business if I get lonely from time to time? Why does everyone else’s problem become my problem? Why do people just assume that because I’m single – that I’m lonely?

“Now that you know hockey-speak, you’ll find a man no problem.”

The other week my brother-in-law told me that since I started watching hockey and knew hockey speak, I’d find a man no problem. Yeah, like hockey was really my big problem in life.

Image result for eyeroll

I just can’t with people anymore. I just… can’t.

The only downside to being single is that I’m the only one here who does the shopping, pays the bills, and cleans my home. Adulting is definitely more difficult when there’s only one of you. But at this stage in my life – it’s necessary.

Seriously, next time you hear yourself asking why a person is single. Just stop. Just be supportive of their lifestyle choices. Please. Just stop.

End of rant. Thanks for listening.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Julie Krupp says:

    People often want you to walk in their footsteps to validate their choices. You blow their mind, and they are not good at hiding it.


  2. I’m convinced it’s more their problem than mine. It’s the same few people who ask me over and over again. It’s like they just can’t grasp the concept that someone could be happy on their own.


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